The Irrelevant Descriptor

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. I find there are a lot of people who use descriptors in their language that seem to be irrelevant. I need your help to figure out why.
For example, in the Brier (Canadian Men's Curling Championships for those who don't know) I heard Team Glenn Howard communicating their throwing weight as "heavy bumper" or "light hack". These guys are 2007 world champions, so I'm not questioning why they do it. However, isn't "heavy bumper" the same as "light bumper"? Similarly, isn't "light hack" the same as "heavy hack"? Can't you just say "hack" or "bumper", since that's where the rock would end up in theory?
And what about someone being a "great 10 handicap" or a "lousy 20 handicap" in golf. Aren't two people with the same handicap of equal ability?
Please let me know if these terms are irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Nostalgia

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Yesterday I went to a donor's office to pick up an iPod. The lady who gave it to me was about half my age. She commented on how small it was.
I replied these iPods are a big change from the huge radio-tape players I grew up with which were called "ghettoblasters" in those pre-politically correct times. My comment was met with a blank stare.
Why? This lady was not old enough to remember what I was talking about. To her my nostalgia was irrelevant.
What I'd forgotten in that short time was knowing who my audience was. It was a person who had to be polite to me, even though I was irrelevant. She had no interest in me, just in performing a task.
Irrelevant people should always think before talking, or better yet, not do either.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Chair III

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Where to go now? The chair and the wall were relevant eating areas. I was irrelevant, so I didn't belong.
I decided to stop eating for three reasons. One was the lack of irrelevant eating areas. The second was it was just snack food, so I would be having lunch later. And third, my son was finished, and decided he wanted to play. Since I was an irrelevant person with no where to go, I took him to another room to run around.
Could the church have handled this situation better? Could they have had an irrelevant eating area? One that was irrelevant accessible? An area where irrelevant people didn't have to mix with relevant people? I believe these are things worth considering.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Chair II

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Where did I go when I couldn't sit on a chair beside my family? I headed over to a wall where there was low-traffic.
I found this to be a pretty good place to be. Relatively quiet. Fairly comfortable.
Then someone came up beside me. She said, "Oh, you're eating leaning against the wall. I think I'll do the same".
The wall had suddenly become a relevant place to eat, because a relevant person wanted to eat there.
What this meant to me was I could no longer eat there. As an irrelevant person, I couldn't eat in a relevant place when relevant people wanted to be there. The wall had become the same as the chairs.
What next? More tomorrow.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Chair

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Our family went to eat after the Easter Sunday church service in the church's dining area. There were not enough chairs for everyone. Our family had only 3 chairs available for the 4 of us.
Guess who didn't get a chair? Me of course.
Why? Because I'm irrelevant.
When a chair shortage exists, relevant people should be the first ones to be seated. Why have an irrelevant person occupy a chair, when a relevant person can do so?
I had no problem with having to stand. Unfortunately, I couldn't stand where my family was seated, because it was in a congested area.
Where to go? More tomorrow.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Orientation Meeting II

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. This orientation meeting will be the same as the one I went to last year. Same agenda, same content. Nothing new. If I didn't go, I'd still be able to do my job. While I will see people I haven't seen during the off-season, I'll end up seeing them in April anyway.
So is this meeting irrelevant to me? Yup.
Will I still go? Yup.
Why? Because to my boss, this meeting is relevant. And there's free food.
Will people be penalized if they don't go? Nope.
Does that change my mind? Nope.
Can I sleep through it? Maybe.
Always judge things as relevant through relevant people's eyes.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Orientation Meeting

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. This coming Saturday I'm attending our golf club staff orientation meeting. This Saturday also happens to be right in the middle of Easter weekend.
Does it matter to me? No.
Why? Because I'm irrelevant.
Since I'm irrelevant, any long weekend plans I would have are also irrelevant. Therefore, my employers should not have to consider them when booking their meetings.
Can my plans change? Who cares, since they were irrelevant anyway?
Do I have to go to the meeting? Could I just say I'm busy? Especially since it's my second year working there? More tomorrow.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Idea

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Yesterday I submitted an idea I had for a TV show to a national broadcaster. Do I expect an answer? No, because the idea is irrelevant.
Why? Because national broadcasters are interested in what their advertisers want. My idea is not related to that, so it's irrelevant.
What are my odds of getting accepted? I think they're the following:

• 50% it will get rejected outright
• 40% it will get accepted without me involved
• 9% it will get accepted with me involved
• 1% I will turn into a unicorn

Regards,

Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Dairy Queen Money

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Last week my mom left our family $20 for the specific purpose of going to Dairy Queen. Because of activities, we did not have have time to go until last night. I waited for the inevitable "yes" from my kids when my spouse asked them if they wanted to go.
To my surprise, they said "no". I never thought children of mine would ever say that.
What does this mean? The Dairy Queen money is irrelevant.
Why? Because it didn't matter whether we had money set aside for Dairy Queen or not. As soon as the answer was no, the money portion became irrelevant.
Worse still, that money will not become relevant until the answer is yes.
So, what do we do? Just keep asking I guess. I hope they say yes soon.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Broom Hold II

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.

Hello. There is another advantage with an irrelevant broom hold.
Say your skip wants you to throw a certain shot, and you don't like the call. If there is a shot you do like that is relatively close, you can "miss the broom" and throw that shot instead.
What's great about this is, if you're a bad enough player like me, people will just think you missed the broom due to a lack of skill. They won't realize you thought the broom hold was irrelevant.
Is this a bad thing to do? I personally think it's better than having a philosophical discussion that usually turns into an argument.
By making the broom hold irrelevant, you're taking advantage of your ability to throw bad shots. It's a form of self-deprecation. And who can argue with that?

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Broom Hold

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. In curling, the rock thrower is supposed to aim at a broom the skip holds in the house. Then the thrower slides out towards the broom and lets go.
This is a great theory. In my case, however, where the broom is held is irrelevant.
Why? Because I'm lucky to hit the broom. I'm terrible, and not afraid to admit it.
What's amazing to see when watching curling on TV is how the broom hold can be irrelevant for them as well. Quebec reminds me so much of the teams I play on by missing the target. And this is a very talented team.
Why do our teams hold the broom then when we play? For us it's really ceremonial.
In some ways it's an advantage. There was a contest last year to throw the rock to the button for $25,000. No broom holding was allowed. We thought that gave us an advantage.
If you're a curler, try to make the broom hold relevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Power Of Attorney

This blog is mostly written tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. You've got your will and power of attorney set up. Are you now free as a bird? No more worries about your future? Believe it or not, there is a case where a power of attorney is irrelevant.
If you live in a house, and you are not on a nursing home waiting list, and something medical happens to you where you can no longer stay at your home, doctors will decide where you go. Not your power of attorney.
The following is something my mother told me. One of her friends ended up in a nursing home several hours away because the nearby homes were full. This went against this person's wishes to stay home. The power of attorney was out of the equation. And unfortunately it probably contributed to an early death.
Please get your name on a waiting list to handle this irrelevant power of attorney situation.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Survey

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. On Wednesday my daughter is getting evaluated. There is a survey the parents have to fill out. My spouse asked me to fill it out first. I said there was no point.
Why? Because my opinion is irrelevant. If I were to fill it out first, it would have to be in pencil. That way my spouse could change all the "wrong" answers (where we differ).
My spouse wasn't real thrilled about this. After explaining my logic, however, agreement was reached. I got to read it after my spouse completed it. And I did actually get to comment where I thought the answer should've been different.
Did it get changed? Heck no!
Why? Because I'm irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Start Time

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Last night I had to do some fundraising duties. Because they involved curlers, I had to be at the club around 9pm.
This created a conflict however. My daughter was at her musical theatre instructor's house watching "Enchanted". It was supposed to end at 9pm. My spouse couldn't go to get my daughter because my son was already asleep. What was I going to do?
I decided to wait until 9:05pm at the club, then get to the instructor's house by 9:15pm. I figured I wouldn't be too late. And that's what I did. It allowed me to get most of my fundraising duties completed.
When I got to the house at 9:15, the movie was not even close to being done. Why? The start time was irrelevant. Other kids showed up late, so they didn't start at 7:30pm.
If you set a start time, make it relevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Presidential Nominee

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Last night Arizona senator John McCain became the Republican party presidential nominee. While congrats are in order, it's really irrelevant.
Why? Because last night was also the night Hillary Clinton pulled back into the race with Barack Obama for the Democratic party presidential nominee. In other words, the race to be the next President of the United States.
Unless Americans are wanting 4 more years of disaster, there's no way a Republican will be president in 2009. Besides, both Obama and Clinton have transcended politics. They are media stars. They will get the casual vote from people who are not politically informed. And a vote for them will be historic, because it will elect either the first woman president, or the first black president.
McCain = more of the same = irrelevancy.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Nirvana

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. What is "nirvana" for an irrelevant person?
For a relevant person, it's positive feedback. Seeing and hearing how good you are, how envious people are of your lifestyle, etc.
For an irrelevant person, it's very different.
I feel the ultimate statement an irrelevant person can hear is "I was indifferent to your presence today. It didn't really matter whether you were here or not".
How does it get any better?
What this statement implies is an irrelevant person is free to do what they want as long as it doesn't affect a relevant person. Can a relevant person have this kind of freedom? No way!
Here's to irrelevant nirvana!

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Test

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. I've discovered a quick test to determine your irrelevancy.
Simply say something that is quite controversial. Something everyone loves. Something guaranteed to get a reply of "Blasphemy!" if you're relevant.
Surprisingly, there are few things that can do this. There is even a "World is Flat" society, which rules it out. The line from the '80s movie Repo Man of "John Wayne was a fag" could've done it, but not now.
Please note this is not my true opinion, just a test line. Thanks for understanding.
"Hanna Montana stinks!"
Say that to people and see how they react. If they're indifferent, you're irrelevant. Any other reaction, and you're relevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant