The Irrelevant Skip IV

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. I talked to my skip's spouse last night. A dislocated shoulder is a result of the fall. While I'm sure it's very painful, it could've been worse, like the head.
Will this mean we're down to 3 for the near future? I would think so. Then again my opinion is irrelevant.
So, where do we go from here? Well, next week our team is playing in Chicago. Our wounded player may go, but would probably not play. Can we get a 4th from here in that short of time? I doubt it. Maybe we can get a native to fill in.
As for the rest of the year, who knows? I don't of course because I'm irrelevant. And I don't have to worry about it because I'm irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Skip III

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If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Well, I didn't get a chance to talk to the team last night about our multiple skip issue. I was late arriving, as was another team member.
Unfortunately, our skip du jour tripped over a rock and landed on the left shoulder. I think 2007 will be out of the question, and 2008 may be in jeopardy. I'm just glad the head wasn't involved.
Will my talk be necessary now? Maybe not. Last night's skip was the worst offender. It's possible the remaining three of us may be able to work out having only one skip in charge.
Will you label me as a chicken because I didn't speak up? Why bother since I'm irrelevant? There's no point in thinking up labels for someone whose presence you're indifferent to.
All the best with your shoulder Skipper!

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant "Problem" II

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Hello. Today Richard Peddie, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment (MLSE) president, said it was a mistake to hire Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr because he was a rookie when he came in. 4 years ago. How irrelevant a statement is that? What other business could someone tolerate their boss saying that?
The truth is, the on-ice performance of the Toronto Maple Leafs is irrelevant. It has been ever since Harold Ballard took over the team over 35 years ago. And while some fans may think they have been legitimate Stanley Cup contenders in that time, Ballard made the Leafs what they are today - a team that rakes in dough no matter how poorly they do on the ice.
I've always hated Harold Ballard, yet I'll be the first to object if someone wants to take him out of the Hockey Hall of Fame. He was brilliant making winning irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant "Problem"

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Hello. I got a chuckle listening to Hockey Central on Rogers Sportsnet today. Apparently the Toronto Maple Leafs losing to Phoenix 5-1 on Saturday has the hockey "experts" asking what's to be done with the club. Should the coach and/or GM be fired? Should any or all players from Mats Sundin down be traded?
The thing is, these questions are irrelevant because this "problem" is irrelevant.
The Toronto Maple Leafs are the envy of all hockey franchises. Winning is irrelevant to them because they always sell out. They get as much if not more press coverage (if that's possible) with these "what's wrong with the Leafs?" stories than they ever would with a winner.
I once asked my dad, who was born and raised in Montreal, what would happen if the Canadiens were to play as poorly long term as the Leafs. He said it would never happen, because the players would get stoned.
More tomorrow.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Skip II

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. What can we do to solve our multiple skip problem? I have to become relevant. I have to point out the problem to the team, and recommend my solution.
Will it work? Probably not. Because the others are offering their opinions, they believe they're relevant. It would be very difficult for them to listen to me. Their egos aren't huge, but they're big enough.
Do they even know they have an issue? I doubt it. If we videoed one of our games, it would become obvious. However, I don't think that would happen anytime soon.
There is only one thing worse than knowing you have a problem, and that's not knowing you have a problem. We're in the worse situation we can be in.
I'll let you know how it goes next Wednesday.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Skip

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
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Hello. Last night was my first night curling in the "A" division as a non-spare. The thrill of finally making it to the top was short-lived, as we lost to our opponents in an extra end.
It didn't bother me that we lost, but how we lost. All of us on the team have skipped in the past. However, I'm the only one who isn't skipping during a game. The other three players have taken turns skipping, but in last night's game they were all skipping. The actual skip has become irrelevant.
Unfortunately in curling too many skips, like too many chiefs, is not a good thing. Our skip du jour could not make a call without being second-guessed by the other two. I'm surprised our skip could function at all.
What has to be done? More tomorrow.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Budget

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Hello. This weekend my spouse and I talked about our financial situation. We concluded we'd have to change things to be completely solvent.
Of course, my idea of having a budget was rejected wholeheartedly. Why? Because I'm irrelevant.
If the tables were turned, and I was spending like my spouse, and my spouse came up with a budget, it would be followed to the letter. Why? Because my spouse is relevant.
What was the point of me making a budget? Good question. I'm not sure what the point of the exercise was, other than exercise. It did give me some insight, but since that insight is irrelevant (because I'm irrelevant), then exercise was the only benefit.
Next time only have relevant people in the financial conversations.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant First Aid Training II

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Hello. On Saturday my son fell. He ended up with a bloody mouth.
I have first aid training; my spouse does not. My spouse was away at the time. After I did a quick check, I passed him over to my spouse for the duration of his treatment, whatever that would be.
Why? Because I'm irrelevant. My spouse did not even consult me during the whole situation. I didn't expect to be consulted anyway. From my spouse's perspective, I was non-existent. As it should be, since my spouse is relevant.
What all trainers, and especially first aid trainers, should do before every class is ask if the person is relevant. Many of the students could be eliminated if this were done.
Of course, even an irrelevant person can become relevant if no relevant people are around, so the training may be relevant after all.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Card Question

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Hello. A friend of mine works for Shopper's Drug Mart as a cashier. She asks everyone, including husbands, if they have an Optimum card. The Optimum card can be acquired at Shopper's. Most families have at most one.
I asked this friend why she asks husbands if they have an Optimum card. After all, the question is irrelevant.
Why? Because if there's at most one Optimum card per family, then the wife has it. There's no way she'd surrender it to her husband.
Think of what would happen. The floodgates would be opened. Pretty soon husbands would be asking for their own spending money. Then they'd be buying things wives would deem inappropriate.
Optimum cards are only for the relevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Raking II

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Hello. Why bother to rake (or any other household chore for that matter) if it's irrelevant? Because raking is an irrelevant task that has different degrees of irrelevancy.
At the very bottom is not raking at all. Your lawn may not need raking, or mowing may cure it (as it would my lawn at the moment). However, if you have a pile of leaves all over your lawn, you are seen as completely irrelevant, an absolute lazy single cell creature.
If you do what I did, you're up a level, but still irrelevant. You haven't finished, so starting is seen as being above creature level, but below mammal level.
Then at the very top of the scale, your lawn is leaf-free. Are you now relevant? No, because that's the way your lawn should be. It's the equivalent of a poker ante. You have to do it to get in the game, but only the winner is relevant. In lawn care there's no winner, just the irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Raking

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Today I raked my behind off. I did my senior neighbour's entire front yard this morning. It took 1.5 hours for a very small area.
I then came home and did our very large yard. I focused on the areas where it had piled up. Under trees. Around the fences. Under the bushes.
I was pretty proud. I've gotten it to the point where I could mow the lawn, and not have to do any more raking.
When I walked home with my kids, I was telling them about how much I raked. When my daughter saw our yard, she asked where I had raked. She could still see leaves on the lawn. My raking was irrelevant.
Why bother doing what I did, if this is the reaction? More tomorrow.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Locked Door

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Hello. You know you've been up too long when....
My spouse and I went to a friend's house Saturday night. I didn't take the van keys, because my spouse was driving. At one point I was asked to get something out of the van.
As I was using the keypad to unlock the door, a thought entered my mind. What if my spouse's keys are in the van? If I lock it with the keys in it, we won't be able to get home because my keys are at home.
I would then have to walk home (about 20 minutes), get the keys and drive back. The kids will be tired. My spouse will be mad at me. My life will be over.
Then I realized the locked van door was irrelevant. It didn't matter where my spouse's keys were.
Why? Because it had a keypad to unlock it.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Content II

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. The resume course proves the Pareto Principle - you get 80% of your results from 20% of your efforts.
Say you took 5 hours to write your resume. If you spent 1 hour writing the headlines, and 4 hours the accomplishments, and you were chosen to get an interview, you could attribute it to the 1 hour writing the headlines.
The other 4 hours were irrelevant in comparison. They did generate 20% of the results, meaning they proved you were capable of being in this new position. But without the relevant headlines, the content was irrelevant.
How many people writing their resumes spend 20% of the time on headlines? Probably very few. Yet this is where your time is most relevant.

Regards,
Steve

The Irrelevant Content

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Yesterday I attended a resume writing course. The speaker was very good.
There was one message that I will never forget. He said the interviewer(s) will decide in the first 7 seconds whether you will be contacted for an interview. That means your resume has to be a marketing document. It has to get the interviewer's attention to stand out from the rest.
What it also means is the resume content is irrelevant.
Think about that for a minute. All your accomplishments, education, etc are irrelevant if your resume doesn't catch someone's eye.
Why is this so? For the same reason, as our speaker elaborated on, as a newspaper has headlines. Can you imagine looking through a newspaper without headlines? Me neither.
More tomorrow.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Voicemail II

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If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. So how does an irrelevant person like me get someone to reply to voicemail? I used the following technique this morning, and it worked.
After saying in a Thursday voicemail I needed a reply by Friday or I was pulling the plug, I left a voicemail this morning. I said that since I hadn't had a reply to my message, please cancel the service immediately.
I was away this morning, but got the reply on voicemail.
Why did the reply happen now? Because I went through on last week's threat. Suddenly I was seen as relevant, because dollars were now front and centre. I went from being an irrelevant person to a relevant dollar amount.
Is this fair? Of course not, but that's irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Voicemail

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Recently I've left several voicemails. Some were for job information. Others were for charitable donations. Still others were for important (to me) appointments.
Of the approximately 10 I've left last week, guess how many have been returned? One. And that was for a curling locker.
Why is this total so low? Because for the rest of the people who haven' t returned it, my voicemail is irrelevant. And that's because I'm irrelevant.
Think about this. Suppose you have a voicemail from Tiger Woods. Or Britney Spears. Or Tom Cruise. Do you return it? Absolutely! Even if you've never met these people. You'd be hounded forever by everyone you know (and don't know) if you didn't.
More tomorrow.

Regards,
Steve

The Irrelevant Preparation II

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Was my preparation irrelevant? Definitely. As someone who prepared a lot for everything in the past, what I've realized is preparing too much is not only irrelevant, but overrated.
Why? Because all preparation can do is give you security. Too much preparation gives you a false sense of security. And too much security equals complacency, which is worse than fear. Indeed, many of the greatest achievements in the world have resulted from fear. I can't think of any that have come from complacency.
In something where you are supposed to "act natural", which really should be everything we do (otherwise you're in the wrong situation), your preparation is irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant