The Irrelevant Job Quality

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Today my mom was visiting. Bless her heart, she likes to do things around our house. I decided to do some vacuuming before going with my mom to see my kids perform in a school recital.
As I was vacuuming, I could hear her ask if I was doing a good job, and whether I'd done all the rooms. It made me realize my job quality was irrelevant.
Why? Because I'm irrelevant, I do irrelevant things. And relevant people assume I'll do them poorly. Since the expectations are so low, it doesn't matter if I do them right. For some reason I try to do them well, but the 'constructive criticism' will always remain.
I did get the last laugh however. I had to run an errand. When I got back, my mom gave me the ultimate compliment - "I didn't realize you were gone". Irrelevant indeed!

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Plans IV

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If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Why did I cancel my plans? Because they're irrelevant. My plans are irrelevant because I'm irrelevant. My spouse, son and daughter all have plans that take priority over my plans. Because they're relevant.
Now that I think about it, the gathering is now irrelevant. Why? Because I've already told my teammates what I was going to tell them. There's no need for them to meet an irrelevant person. They can make relevant plans of their own.
Not only that, but they don't have to feel guilty about it. After all, I'm the one leaving them. They can find a new teammate and move on. Or stop playing themselves. Either way I'm not involved.
Sometimes it's best to ask if your plans are irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Plans III

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. My apologies for not writing Tuesday. I will write two columns today.
I'd asked my spouse Monday if I could book a "farewell" gathering with my curling teammates, as I'm not curling in the upcoming season. I picked next Tuesday as a date. I received positive feedback.
Last night my spouse returned after golfing. A friend of my spouse is a regular playing partner. I assumed they would be golfing on Mondays regularly, and that last night was a one-time change.
It turns out the friend can no longer play Mondays. Therefore my spouse's weekday golf evening has now become Tuesdays.
I immediately email my curling teammates saying our gathering was postponed. Why? More in the next column.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Observations

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Hello. As mentioned Thursday, my daughter was ill. I watched her throughtout the day. I had to work Thursday night, so I dropped my daughter and son off at my spouse's work.
My spouse asked me if I'd taken my daughter's temperature, or noticed anything unusual. I said I had made no observations at all, because they'd be irrelevant.
Why? Because my spouse would take my daughter's temperature when they went home. Observations would be made at that time. And anything I would've done up to that point would've been a waste of time for both me and my daughter.
When my spouse asked if I'd made observations, what was implied was, "how is my daughter right now?". That's why I didn't bother to make irrelevant observations during the day.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Illness

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Hello. Today my daughter is at home with a fever. I believe she'll be better by Friday.
In the past it would've been a big deal. My spouse or I would've had to take a day off work to be with her. Child care would've been irrelevant, as they won't take kids with an illness, and rightfully so.
For the past 3.5 years, it's been irrelevant to us if one of our children was ill. Why? Because from Nov 2004 to Nov 2006 I worked from home. And since then I've been retired. Therefore I can stay here and look after a child without anyone having to get a day off work.
It's always a good idea to make your situation so illness become irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Weather

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If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Today my car thermometer read 5 Celcius when I left to golf. When I got done it read 7 Celcius. How cold was it? I had my curling gloves on the whole time. It was hard to believe it was May 21st. Fortunately we stayed dry. The rain started in the evening.
Was it the coldest May 21st ever? I hope so. However, it would be irrelevant.
Why? Because I would've golfed anyway. I enjoyed myself, and met two very nice people. The course (Blue Springs) was in excellent shape. We never waited.
In short, it was a lovely day in spite of the weather.
Would I golf in that kind of weather again? Not in the near future. And hopefully it will start to approach at least the 20 Celcius "normal" weather we're supposed to be having now.
However, the weather is irrelevant when I want to golf.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Baseball Glove

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Hello. My apologies for not writing Monday. It was Victoria Day in Canada.
My daughter and son are playing baseball this year. In spite of low temperatures, we've been playing catch in the back yard. They both have some work to do to get better.
My spouse asked why I don't have a baseball glove. I replied it's irrelevant.
Why? Because I'm not playing ball. I'm just playing catch. I catch most of my kids' throws barehanded since they don't throw very hard.
And if I don't catch it? It's irrelevant. I'm not in a game. So I may have to run a little to get the ball. Big deal.
Why should I buy an irrelevant baseball glove? Worst case I can use someone else's. But there's really no need. It's irrelevant how I catch the ball, or if I catch it.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Auctioneer

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Hello. As you may have read, one of my part-time jobs is working in an auto auction area. We have cars go through different lanes based on what year and where they were built.
My lanes historically have been for used cars 5-7 years old. Needless to say, there are many of these cars that people aren't interested in buying.
The auctioneer has to treat all these cars like they'll sell. But if there's no interest, the auctioneer becomes irrelevant.
So why have an auctioneer if there's no interest in a car? A very good question.
Wouldn't it just be best to drive the car through the lane without commentary? And let someone jump up and down if they're interested? Or save an auctioneer's voice if they aren't interested?

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant In-Tray

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Hello. My spouse and I each have an in-tray for our home mail. Since I'm usually home when the mail arrives, I sort the mail into "his" and "her" in-trays.
While my in-tray gets emptied very quickly (same day is the norm), my spouse's in-tray is not the same. In fact, I don't think my spouse has seen the in-tray bottom since we got them set up.
I have to ask myself, is my spouse's in-tray really an in-tray? Or is it irrelevant?
Or, to phrase it differently, if an in-tray is in the forest, and no one is there to empty it, does it serve a purpose? Is it really a filing cabinet? Or a recycle bin?
Why have an in-tray if nothing goes out?
I've tried to remind my spouse to check the in-tray, especially when I've put something in that's time-sensitive. But since I'm irrelevant, so's the suggestion. And the in-tray.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Government Grant

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Hello. GM Canada announced yesterday it was cutting 1,400 jobs from its Windsor plant. This was after the Ontario government had granted $235 million to GM Canada. What to make of it? My initial thought is the government grant is irrelevant.
I've never understood why any government would give a grant to a publicly held company. Isn't that company capable of raising funds on its own? Isn't that what shareholders are for?
If a company is incapable of raising funds on its own, then shouldn't some red flags be raised instead? Isn't that a warning sign something is seriously wrong? That the company may be a bad investment? That a grant may be throwing good money after bad?
I just can't see why this grant was made with no layoff stipulations. Having been through it personally, I know the fastest way for a company to look good is to lay people off. That seems to make this grant irrelevant. Pity indeed!

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Phone Call

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Yesterday morning the weather was cold in this part of the world. I wasn't sure if the golf course I work at had frost or not. I decided to call at 6:45am to see what was going on. The first tee time was at 7:30am.
I got our new assistant pro on the line. I asked if there was a frost delay.
Prior to this call, I thought there were only 3 answers to this question - "yes", "no" and "I don't know".
The answer I received was "likely".
This answer made my phone call irrelevant. Why? Because the answer didn't tell me what to do. There was no point in calling to get a "likely" answer.
I decided to go in for 7:30am anyway. There was no delay. My call was irrelevant.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Hearing II

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If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. So let's suppose a relevant person doesn't have any problems hearing. Does that help a relevant person be understood? Absolutely not!
Why? Because while a relevant person may hear an irrelevant person, the relevant person isn't actually listening. An irrelevant person is only making sounds. Because the person is irrelevant, there's no need to listen since what the irrelevant person is saying is irrelevant.
But what, you may be asking, if the irrelevant person is saying something that the relevant person agrees with? Then again it's irrelevant if the relevant person listens to the irrelevant person. That's because the relevant person would only hear something the relevant person already believes. Why listen to it be repeated?
The hearing capability of a relevant person is irrelevant around an irrelevant person.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Hearing

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. I just realized something today. I guess it's because I started looking at things from a relevant person's point of view.
If an irrelevant person is talking to a relevant person, it's irrelevant if a relevant person hears what the irrelevant person is saying.
That means a relevant person can be deaf.
Or hammering a nail.
Or have the TV turned up loud.
Or be taking a shower.
Or wearing earplugs.
It's irrelevant what a relevant person is doing when an irrelevant person talks. Fascinating!

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Plans II

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Emergencies happen. And they should take priority over everything else. Which is why I wasn't surprised my spouse asked me to help out.
What made me irrelevant, however, was not being asked on the Sunday if I had any Monday plans.
If our roles had been reversed, I would've asked my spouse about Monday availability. That's because my spouse and my spouse's plans are relevant.
If you're irrelevant, you have to be available all the time for relevant people. That's because their plans are relevant, and take priority over any of an irrelevant person's plans.
If you're irrelevant and unavailable, a relevant person cannot comprehend why you're unavailable. Because you're irrelevant, you must be doing something irrelevant. Unacceptable!

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Plans

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback.
If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Today I had hoped to be golfing right now. However, my plans were changed.
My spouse looks after a former neighbour. The neighbour's basement flooded Sunday afternoon. No one has come to fix it yet.
My spouse pumped it out yesterday while I looked after the kids. The neighbour stayed with us because the water was shut off.
I was not instructed by my spouse to be any part of this cleanup, so I looked to go golfing while the kids were in school. Then my spouse called to say there was still a leak. I'm to access the damage at 10:30am. Hopefully help is there before then.
Now don't get me wrong - I love to help out. What I'm pointing out is, to my spouse, my plans are irrelevant. More tomorrow.

Regards,
Irrelevant

The Irrelevant Tax Deadline Date II

This blog is written mostly tongue in cheek. Some points may be informative. Please provide your feedback. If you suffer from self-irrelevancy, please seek professional advice.

Hello. Well, my spouse told me the UFILE server was down during the attempted send. That made my spouse's attempts irrelevant. The date to file has apparently been extended a week.
What also makes sending before the date if you're receiving money irrelevant is the feds will not pay you until late May, no matter how early you file. I found this out a few years ago, when I was in desperate need of need of the funds I was going to receive. I filed in February. And waited. And waited. Finally I phoned in mid-April to see when they would arrive. The response was immediate - late May!
Why would the feds not pay up immediately? Can you say interest income for them?
So what does this all mean? Take your time filing if you're owed money. To do so quickly is irrelevant. Make sure too that you do doublecheck it to get your fair share.

Regards,
Irrelevant